The skeletons in Steven Seagal’s not-so-sexy closet keep popping out

Steven Seagal’s hot water continues to boil over with skeletons a-plenty popping out of his not so sexy closet.  It all came to a head (literally) with 23-year-old Kayden Nguyen who was hired as his personal assistant.  She obviously didn’t know he needed her assistance in the sack on an on-call basis 24 hours a day.  Now Kayden is teasing us saying he has some unique physical trait, possibly a ritual when he gets ready to rumba.  Apparently everyone who has been sexual with the former action star knows what it is and so far no one is talking.  Well, we all know it won’t be long before the dirt comes out.  He kind of looks like a gorilla so maybe he gets a little primal or maybe it’s just the opposite and he goes into role play mode as a baby needing some attention from mama.  Segal has been married a few times, once while married to another.  He married 80s hottie Kelly LeBrock and that landed on the rocks when it was found out Sleazy Stevie was messing around with the nanny.  If Seagal really wants to gain some popularity, I think he should throw himself into the latest Tinseltown trend and go into sex rehab. My favorite Kinky McKinkster aspect to all of these she-nanigans is when Jenny McCarthy auditioned for him only for “Under Siege 2” in 1998.  He wanted her to strip and when she wouldn’t, she began to cry and screamed, “Rent my Playboy video, you a-hole” while running out the door. Next up for the…let me rephrase that because I think we know what’s going to be “up” next for this one…The star of the reality show “Steve Seagal: Lawman” is gearing up for the launch of “Born to Raise Hell.”  Did someone say straight to DVD?  Good luck in rehab Steven!
– C. Reeves